“God could not be everywhere, and therefore, he made mothers.” – Jewish proverb
Tanka Eckford and his mother, Michelle, on the day of Tankas junior prom last spring. Photo courtesy of Tanka Eckford.
FREMONT – The Fremont Ross football team will honor its seniors playing their final game at Don Paul Stadium Friday night. As it does so, it will also recognize the players’ parents, their support of the program and the young men they have raised.
But someone will be missing from the moment. While his classmates will hand a rose to their mothers in thanks for all they do, senior Jerardo “Tanka” Eckford’s rose may go to his father, sister or brother. But his thoughts will always be with his mother.
On Oct. 4, two days after his 18th birthday, Tanka Eckford suffered a loss so great and sudden, it can scarcely be imagined by anyone who hasn’t experienced it themselves.
“’People only die when we forget them,’ my mother explained shortly before she left me. ‘If you can remember me, I will be with you always.'”
– Isabel Allende,
Chilean-American author
On the evening of Oct. 3, Michelle Eckford experienced chest pains and had trouble breathing. Her husband, Jerardo Sr., encouraged her to visit the hospital, but she insisted it wasn’t necessary.
The following morning, the breathing issues increased and an ambulance was called. Tanka and his older brother and sister, Johnquay and Tiela, followed closely behind en route to the hospital.
“I’m trying to think the best, ‘My mom is cool, she’s going to make it, she’s going to be fine, she’s a fighter,’” Tanka said. “Stuff like that.”
After waiting at the hospital, a doctor escorted the family into a room, where they were told the words every child dreads hearing.
“Everyone basically knew what was going to happen when we went into the room,” Tanka said. “Me, my sister and my brother, we’re sitting there and the doctor says she isn’t breathing on her own, we just have her on machines. Then they’re like, when we took her off the machines, her heart failed.
“I just walked out in shock, out to the parking lot of the hospital and I sat down and that’s when I started breaking down.”
Michelle Eckford died of cardiac arrest. She was 51 years old.
“A man never sees all that his mother has been to him until it’s too late to let her know he sees it.”
— William Dean Howells, American author and literary critic
Tanka Eckford walks on the sideline during Ross game against Clay. RSR/Tony Zimmerman
What does your mother mean to you?
It’s a simple question with 1,000 answers and none at the same time. Our parents are there for us unconditionally, whether we want them to be or not. We rarely, if ever, appreciate it until long after the fact. Sometimes, tragically, we don’t even realize it until they’re gone.
In the days since her sudden passing, the number of ways Michelle Eckford impacted her son’s life, great and small, have been eye-opening for Tanka.
“It gets to me when I go home and my mom is never going to be here anymore, stuff like that,” he said. “If I look at pictures of us together, I’ll feel it and it hurts. I’ll start breaking down.”
He’s benefited from the support of his siblings and large group of aunts and relatives. And, of course, there have been his teammates.
“The first day, when it first happened Roger Burling, Remey (Bulger) and Kamryon (Jones) left school. They all came with me, they were crying with me, they’re my best friends.
“Everybody knew my mom. My mom was like a second mom to everybody. They were hurting too.”
Imagine for a moment, it’s possible to take the emotional pain out of the equation. You’re still left with the everyday ramifications that come when the person who has been the constant pillar of your life is suddenly removed. Everything changes.
Tanka turned 18 on Oct. 2. But adulthood was thrust upon him two days later.
“My mom did my laundry my whole life and it’s different now. I have to do my own laundry. I got to fold my clothes up,” Tanka said. “I have to pay my bills now. She paid half of my car insurance and my phone bill, now I have to pay that stuff for myself.
“It’s like I have money, but if you got your mom, it’s ‘Mom can I have $20?’ Even though you have money in your pocket, but you just don’t want to spend yours.
“Cooking. She cooked. Now my dad cooks…but she used to cook the lasagna and the pastas, all the good food.
“She did a lot. That’s hit me too.”
“A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.”
– Dorothy Canfield Fisher, American author and activist
Tanka Eckford plays pass coverage against Oregon Clay Friday night. RSR/Tony Zimmerman
In the wake of his mother’s passing, Tanka sat out the Little Giants’ next two football games, against Toledo Central Catholic and Whitmer.
Last Friday night he played his first game without his mother in the stands. But Tanka knew she was still watching.
Early in the fourth quarter, the Little Giants scored a touchdown to take the lead, 21-17 against Oregon Clay. On the Eagles’ ensuing possession, Tanka, a defensive back, was whistled for pass interference which, he knew, put a target on his back for Clay to continue attacking.
The play after the penalty, the Eagles went back to Tanka, sending a receiver on a slant route which Tanka immediately recognized. He jumped the route, stepped in front of the receiver and made his second interception of the season.
“I’m running in front of him, so then I see the ball and I’m like right by him and I pull him just a little bit and I jump it and I already know (I’m catching it), I start smiling, like ‘Oh, yeah.’”
Tanka had a large expanse of field in front of him for a long return, or a possible score, had he not been tripped by the only Clay player in the vicinity. He fell to the ground and as he got up he was instantly swarmed by teammates.
When he freed himself from their hugs and pats on the head, he stopped, looked skyward and pointed to his mother.
“I pointed up to say, ‘I see you still watching me,’” he said. “It was a good moment. My dad started crying on the sideline.
“As soon as I caught it, I was going to point up to my mom, but everybody was jumping on me, they were all so happy. That’s my team and I love them so much. I love the group of people we’re with because everyone is there for each other. When I got the pick, it felt like everybody got the pick, that’s how everybody felt.”
Friday night, Tanka and his senior teammates will take the field for the last time at Don Paul Stadium. In a few months time, they’ll be walking on stage for their high school graduation – an event Michelle Eckford greatly looked forward to.
While she may not be there to celebrate with her son, he knows she’ll never really be gone.
“She wanted the best for me all the time,” Tanka said. “She had a nice smile, always smiling, she was a happy person. She always had my back but she always pushed me, she was always riding me, ‘Tanka, don’t go out them, don’t hang out with them, stay in school.’ She was always there.”
And she always will be.